I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
