'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
