If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How external is "for external use only"?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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