Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
