Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
