things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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