I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
