5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
