He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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