Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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