yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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