i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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