I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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