I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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