was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
