I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
