Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
