I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Your dad touched me again.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
