all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
