areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
