Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
