Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
