Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
