So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
