Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
