Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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