mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
