just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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