The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
