Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
