I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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