When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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