omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
