Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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