To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this just has baby written all over it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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