Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
