Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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