Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
