i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
