You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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