I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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