I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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