Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
organizing the empties. That sober.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
