listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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