Sponge bath it is.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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