I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
