I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
