Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
