I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
