Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
