I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
