I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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