i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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