If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
