dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
