So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
