But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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