lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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