There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
