take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
