woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
