I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize