so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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