Are we in a gay sports bar?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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