I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
