it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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