Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
