So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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