great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
this hospital has no fireball
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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