My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
