Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my liver is dry heaving
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
