How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
