The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
