Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
