i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
