We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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