I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
