You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
