a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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