she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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