it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
