Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
