just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
