All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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