the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
