You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
