I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
