Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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