finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
